What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
