He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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