I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Randomize