Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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