billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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