I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
