Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
