kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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