I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize