i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
