your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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