I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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