I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
