The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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