and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
