I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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