It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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