are you still at the devil's house?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize