3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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