Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
