I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
