I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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