May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Too much gin, very little bucket
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
