Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
