I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
