Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
