I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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