just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
