Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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