Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
