i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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