I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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