She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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