so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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