You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
