so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
