I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
