Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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