mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize