By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
