I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
