i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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