I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
