The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
