its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
