Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
