Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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