I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sorry about my life...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
