People in love make me want to vomit
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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