it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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