i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
