From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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