This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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