is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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