So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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