that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
