yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize