We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
im on a boat
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