WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
