well you can't waste a boner
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
