Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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