If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
