You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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