I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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