I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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