chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
only you would photoshop your dick
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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