when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
