I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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