weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
