So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
