I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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