I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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