Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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