Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
