"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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