mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
