i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
