I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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