You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
