you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
