I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
