you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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