He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
