We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
